Lincoln’s Letter to Meade

Consider Abraham Lincoln’s response to a similar situation shortly after the Battle of Gettysburg in 1863. General Meade of the Union Army had General Lee and his Confederate Army trapped against the river at flood stage. It was a significant opportunity to attack Lee’s army and likely put a quick end to the war. Instead, Meade delayed. Lee took advantage of the hesitation and escaped, prolonging the war almost two more years.

Upon hearing of this missed opportunity, Lincoln fired off a letter to Gen. Meade that clearly explained his anger and frustration. This letter accused Meade of being unaware of the “magnitude of the misfortune involved in Lee’s escape.” Lincoln said that Lee was within Meade’s “easy grasp,” but that Meade “stood and let the flood run down, bridges be built, and the enemy move away at his leisure….”

Unsent Letters

How do we know so much about this letter? It was found years later…in Lincoln’s personal files. You see, he never mailed the letter. He cooled off and realized nothing good could come from chastising Meade. He decided he may have made the same decision shortly after losing more than 23,000 men in the recent fight in Gettysburg. Other similar letters were found among Lincoln’s possessions.

Wisdom When Angry

The learning here is that it is simply not wise to react and take action when angry. There are too many things that could go wrong. Our information could later prove to be incomplete or even completely incorrect. Because we are not thinking as clearly when we are angry, it is likely we will do or say something we will later regret. Consider this verse from Proverbs:

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check. – Proverbs 29:11

Get Angry, Don’t Sin

This is not to say that you are wrong to get angry. Paul told the Ephesians to be angry, but not to sin (Ephesians 4:26). Getting angry is not a sin. It is our actions during our anger that constitute sin. As Christian business leaders, we are going to get angry. There are too many opportunities for this in business for us to avoid it completely.

Since that is the case, we simply need to lay out some simple guidelines for ourselves as to what we will and won’t do when we are angry. I have put together this list of things we should commit NOT to do when we are angry. Take a look and see if these make sense to you. Feel free to question any of them (or to add to them) in the comment section below.

7 Actions To Avoid When Angry

1. Make a decision to fire someone.

While there is a chance it is the right decision, you need to make sure you feel the same when you have cooled down. Wait a day. If you still feel the same, move forward.

2. Discipline an employee.

Though you may think this is an acceptable compromise from the decision above, it is still a bad idea to do it when you are angry. Write down your intentions and then review them when your mind is again clear.

3. Call a meeting to discuss a problem.

The situation that sparked your anger may warrant a meeting for team discussion or even discipline. Unfortunately you will most likely say something you will later regret or rush into a decision you would otherwise take slowly.

4. Send an email to someone who made a mistake. Call it after you are calm.

Take a lesson from Lincoln and hold your thoughts until you can rethink them. It is likely you will change what you say after some time passes.

5. Go home from work to your family.

This may seem like a good way to avoid saying something you should not say at the office, but if you end up taking your anger out on your unsuspecting family, what have you really gained? Drive around a while if you must.

6. Show your emotions.

A seemingly innocent walk through the office where everyone is at work may not seem dangerous. The problem is that your emotions are written all over your face and everyone notices. Even if they are not involved, their imaginations will run wild.

7. Go looking for more mistakes.

This is probably one of the worst things you can do. There is little doubt you would find something and the offender would bear the brunt of his mistake as well as the one that originally made you angry.

Other Options?

If this list makes you feel like your only option is to crawl under your desk and hide, then I apologize. That is not the case! At the same time, the wisest action you can take is to pray through it. Take a walk outside and pray as you go. Get away from your team until your emotions are under control. You will be much more effective then!

Have you taken any of these actions while angry? How did it turn out?

What actions would you add to this list?

What do you do to cool down?

Photo by Pressmaster/Shutterstock

Anger At Work?

When was the last time you got angry at work? More important than what caused your anger to come to the surface, how did you handle it?

Looking back (maybe even just minutes ago!), are you proud of the way you acted or do you wish you could have a do-over? Would you be okay with a quick video of your reaction showing on the news tonight or being shared all over Facebook and Twitter? Or more likely, would you prefer everyone who witnessed your actions would forget all about them?

If you are in the majority of us that on occasion allow their anger to get the best of us, then maybe you need to stop and take a look at this issue with me. I can promise that you are not alone, but at the same time that is not a valid excuse anymore than jumping off the bridge because everyone else did!

The Right Topic

The Bible is pretty clear when it comes to anger and how we express it. In fact, I will share quite a few verses that address this very topic. However, before I do this, I want to make sure we are addressing the right topic.

While you may think the topic of anger should be fairly self-evident, there is actually more to it than you might think. See, anger is not the problem. In fact, anger by itself is not a sin. There is nothing in the world wrong with anger.

God is perfectly holy and without sin. Yet throughout the Old Testament, there are descriptions of God’s anger – always in response to sin (Deuteronomy 11:16-17). Jesus walked this earth without sin, but we all know about the scene at the temple when, in anger, he overturned the tables of the moneychangers and those selling animals for sacrifice (Matthew 21:12-13).

Anger Without Sin

Anger is simply an emotion that God gave us. We can experience anger without committing sin. God can use our righteous anger to drive us to improve conditions around us that do not honor him. Pure (sinless) anger can motivate us to act when other emotions cannot.

The problem is when we add other emotions or motivations into the mix. For example, when we add pride to anger, we are driven to verbally abuse an employee or coworker because their performance made us look bad. Adding jealousy to anger may cause us to lash out at someone else on our team that is getting more credit for their work than we are.

Of course, not all sinful anger is acted out by the tongue, but I think this is probably the most often used tool for expressing anger – especially in the workplace. The tongue can bring healing, but it can also cut and seriously injure those around us when not controlled (James 3:3-12). Unfortunately, it is not easily controlled!

Closed Loophole

Before you think you have found a loophole, I want to close it quickly. Whether you are using a smart phone, tablet, or a computer, your keyboard is also a tongue! Sometimes we kid ourselves and think that we can lash out with our texts, emails, or social media posts and that this is somehow different than using our tongue. Sorry, but that won’t fly.

We simply cannot allow our anger to drive us to sin. We are instead to be shining examples of mercy, forgiveness, and grace. We are Christ’s ambassadors in the marketplace and we cannot afford to dishonor His name. We CAN get angry if we will make sure that anger remains controlled and is directed at injustice or evil in a way that honors the God who gave it to us!

Avoid The Madness!

In a recent discussion on this very topic, a wise friend of mine described it in a way that makes it clear to me:

Don’t let madness come into play with your anger!”

In your free time, read through the following verses and see if you have any further thoughts on anger and how it affects you. Share your thoughts in the comment section below!

Ephesians 4:26-32

Matthew 12:36-37

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Colossians 4:6

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Anger is Inevitable, But Not Sin

Anger is inevitable. This is especially true the more we interact with others, such as daily at work or with our families at home. Even Jesus got angry (Matthew 21:12-13), and the Old Testament provides many references to God’s anger.

Anger is not a sin; the key is to avoid sinning when angry. Having a plan for when anger hits not only provides a way to avoid sin, but it also allows for self-control to increase as we choose to not “give full vent” to our anger (Proverbs 29:11). The Bible also indicates that we must also control or limit (Ecclesiastes 7:9 and Proverbs 14:17) and even get rid of our anger (Colossians 3:8, Ephesians 4:31-32).

I remember a time in my life when my temper easily flared, and I was known for being somewhat volatile. If God hadn’t taught me how to control and even how to eliminate anger, I would have continued believing this was simply “the way that I am” with no hope for change. Yet, He did work in my life in this way.

5 Steps To Control & Prevent Anger

The following 5 suggestions for how to control and prevent anger stem directly from that struggle:

1. Keep from getting angry in the first place.

Sort of a preventative maintenance approach, avoiding getting angry seems difficult when the response comes so naturally. Yet, this can be achieved by staying grounded in the Word and by keeping short accounts with other and with God.

In other words, deal with issues while they are still small. The bigger a conflict becomes, the more overwhelming it feels, and the more likely anger will rise up.

2. Deal with root cause issues.

Usually, anger stems from a deep-seeded issue that an individual has failed to deal with and overcome. Anger also often results from feeling a lack of control over circumstances. Coming to terms with and understanding those issues can help curb and even eliminate angry outbursts.

3. Realize you don’t know the whole story.

When another person feeds your anger by their attitudes, actions or words, try to remember that when others treat you wrong, it’s usually more (if not totally) about them and not about you.

You may never know the root cause of their behavior, but you can avoid letting it negatively impact yours. Chances are you don’t know the whole story, so err on the side of grace when dealing with others.

4. Be aware not only of words spoken but the tone used.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” A gentle answer often includes saying less, but always includes a tone that calms and soothes rather than agitates and fuels the fire.

Personally, I find that gentle answers come more easily the more I listen. So, the less I speak and the more I seek to understand, the more gentle my words become.

5. Get and use wisdom.

The Bible instructs says “discretion” makes a man “slow to anger” and better able to overlook hurts from others (Proverbs 19:11). Discretion means “the power or right to decide or act according to one’s own judgment.” Acting based on sound judgment means thinking before acting or speaking, and the result is that anger automatically subsides.

Having wisdom means listening more and truly hearing what others say. It means avoiding those who struggle controlling their anger or who seem to provoke you easily. Wisdom means knowing when to walk away, to stay well-rested, and to avoid those blood-sugar highs and lows that make emotions difficult to manage. Pursue wisdom, and anger will begin to subside.

Don’t Just Eliminate Bad Habits..?

Whenever we eliminate bad habits, only getting rid of the negative creates a weak defense. When the opportunity presents itself to employ that habit, not having an alternative can spell certain disaster. God has a way of testing us in areas in which we are trying to mature and grow, which is helpful since that’s really the only way we’ll grow.

To properly prepare for this future challenge, the negative must be replaced with positive. In other words, simply getting rid of my anger and bad temper was not enough. I needed to replace it with another “go to” response. But what response?

The Bible’s Answer!

We find the answer in Colossians 3:8 & 12, which tell us to “put aside anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive language” and to replace them with “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” As the fruit of the Spirit increase in our lives, their counterparts will naturally decrease. Avoid having an empty house that will be “worse than the first” if left untended (Luke 11:24-26).

Today, I can happily say that anger no longer controls me. While I do get angry once in a while, the above lessons serve to prevent and often eliminate anger, and suggestions such as those found in Don’t Do These 7 Things When You Are Angry help keep me from sinning when I am angry. No, my score is still not 100% in controlling my anger, but it sure improves as I deliberately and intentionally employ the instruction the Bible gives for managing anger.

What do you do to manage your anger?

Have you replaced any bad anger habits with good ones?

If you are still struggling with anger, what are you going to change?

Please leave comments to let Kari know how good this post was! You can read more from Kari at her blog – Struggle to Victory.